Debate Annoying Family Members like a Pro This Holiday Season
This holiday season we all can count on a few things to mark the occasion. Families will gather, turkey will be served, and perhaps most dependable of all, arguments will erupt. At least one person always seems to be at the tableāletās call him āUncle Schlubāāwho, after a glass of wine or two (or four), starts pontificating about a topic that is better left alone, particularly when large carving utensils are close at hand.
If you have ever relished the idea of putting Uncle Schlub in his place, or at least getting him to come around to an opinion other than his own, then you are in luck. , senior lecturer in communications studies and director of 91ĢĘ²®»¢ās , has a few tips for you.
Named the SEC Debate Director of the Year in 2011, Sandoz has coached 91ĢĘ²®»¢ās team to recent national championships in all three debate divisions (novice, junior varsity and varsity). She also is the winner of the 2012ā13 Chancellorās Cup, which is given annually to a faculty member for āthe greatest contribution outside the classroom to undergraduate studentāfaculty relationships.ā
So, when Uncle Schlub next gets on his soapbox, follow the advice below and embrace the essence of debateāātwo minds meeting and moving to a greater understanding together,ā as Sandoz puts it. Or, if thatās too much to ask, just take pleasure in skewering the poor sapāwith your newfound debating skills, that is.
1. Start on common ground.
āFigure out where you and your opponent both stand on the topic,ā Sandoz says. āAt some point along the way, thereās an assumption that one of you has but the other doesnāt. That should be the focal point of your debateāwhere the divergence occurs.ā
2. Ask questions and listen.
āOnce youāve decided to engage, itās important to get your opponent to clarify his position,ā she says. āYou should ask questions and then paraphrase back what youāre hearing. He might not be able to articulate his position as well as he thinks he can, and you could chalk up a small victory in the process.ā
3. Pick your battles.
āNot every argument is important,ā Sandoz says. āOften a debate will consist of multiple smaller arguments, some of which you can concede. You donāt have to win every point in order to win the debate.ā
4. Remain civil.
āAvoid statements or behaviors that increase the level of defensiveness in your opponent, and also try to control your own level of defensiveness,ā she says. āFor instance, you wouldnāt want to address your crazy uncle as ācrazy.āā
5. Accept limits.
āMost people donāt change drastically because of a single conversation or a single debate,ā she says. āYou may wish that your crazy uncle would really see the world your way, but itās probably not going to happen. And if it does happen, itās going to happen in small steps.ā
TEXT BY SETH ROBERTSON
ILLUSTRATION BY NATE WILLIAMS